I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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