I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
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I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
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Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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