...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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