a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
