but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
