Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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