Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
