god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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