P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Randomize
