the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
