some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
