i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
