I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
