I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
