I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
