I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
