There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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