1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
