god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
