You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
found the other keg... it's in the tree
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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