Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
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