Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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