Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
