it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
not ubering you a puppy
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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