I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
