This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
