I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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