I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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