My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
