we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
