How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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