My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
