At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
