why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
