i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
