oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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