My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
