I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
