What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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