My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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