Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
