I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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