ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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