He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
