I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
