i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
