Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
