you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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