I like to think it a success when the cops are called
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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