I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
