FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
