Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
