if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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