the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
So vagazzling was a success
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
