the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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