They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
