"it" just moved
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
