For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
