I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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