Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
