Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
