That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
