I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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