I am puke
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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