My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
