So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Everything about him screamed your future.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
