she woke up with a sticky ear
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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