Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
