I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
