I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
