I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
