nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
