Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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