I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
