I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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