Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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