I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
