You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
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they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
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No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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