My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
