He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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