There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
