We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
