Your dad touched me again.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just high enough for therapy.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
