I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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