He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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