You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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