Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
