smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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