Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
